On Testimonial day at OHI an ageing rock n roller from Las Vegas announced he just got the all clear from stage 4 cancer after a 17 week stint here on this strict calorie restricted diet. He lost 100lbs and looked in great shape. Impressive. I also met Peg, one of the facilitators here, who also cured her stage 4 cancer. She was very inspiring and encouraging. Both had been told they would die, both lay major claim in the wheatgrass. This is a place where miracles can happen. I am now on this quest to understand the circumstances that allows the body heal itself from illnesses that have been written off by the medical establishment.
There is nothing written in the OPI literature about healing cancer. That keeps them within the law. A law that states that one can only claim to cure cancer with surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. It is the same in the UK. OPI give no promises. But they are committed to helping you get well if you are willing to do your part. They show you the tools then the hard work is up to oneself. I have learnt to heal fully the main key is to get the mind, body and spirit back in harmony as if you are sick then it is definitely out of sync.
Ever wondered what that connection really means in it’s entirety? I am trying to unravel it. I will be the first to admit that I used to be rather shallow, my old life was mostly about having fun, working hard and making money. I have always believed in energy but my spiritual side wasn’t being nurtured. I think most of us go through our lives with them in harmony without even really knowing it. Then a life trauma comes along and rocks your world like death of a loved one, job loss, illness or such. My father’s death and family feuds over 11 years ago sent me out of balance. I have not managed to heal it. It is how we deal with these life traumas that sets the future. I am being helped by many people here to get to that place. Until these emotions are in check and my mind, body and spirit are back in harmony then the body cannot reach the high PH needed to kick into healing mode. Attachment to negative feelings make the body acidic. I still have some forgiving to do and have had to go right back through my life. This is no easy task. Once I am in a calm place then my healing will begin fully.
The East is well versed in this philosophy. Here in the West when ill they only treat the body and ignore the mind and body connection. If your mind is troubled they want to throw drugs at it which rarely sorts out the real issues and only puts a lid on things. We use busyness to dampen the feelings when what you really should be doing is going deep inside to resolve the real issues. Epigenetic’s is now showing that the cells will do what the mind tells them too. Remember the old saying ‘Be careful what you think because you just might get it’. Be warned. I believe less and less of us have this connection but we are now becoming more aware. I maybe wrong.
I am now in the 5th week of detoxing and it has been extremely severe. It has been hard to focus this week till now so I took it all in my stride and went with it. They use calorie restriction to bring the detox on fully and give the digestive system a rest so the body can use its energy for healing. Emotions that have been stored in body rise to the surface, which can be rather dramatic. It is all part of the process. To start the healing one has to try step outside of one self and take each event or person that comes up separately, feel the emotions fully, look at it without getting the mind too involved, say what you need to say then let it pass. Some of the difficult ones stick with you and bog you down. Crying is the best release. There is a weekly release ceremony where we burn the things that no longer serves us. It is a very powerful exercise.
I have been counselled by a Priest here. His parents founded this place. He used to be an international banker so has seen it all. He is an extremely kind man who throws no judgements on me or my faith. But you do need to believe in some kind of higher power to get the spiritual element to work. He is one of the kindest person I have ever met who doesn’t want anything back from me, not even money. Rare to find this unselfish giving. He said I am suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Most people with a cancer diagnosis suffer it to some degree or other but throw in the other problems I had of homelessness, bankruptcy, eviction and all the drama that went with it and you will have a toxic mix of emotions. The fight or flight response was in constant motion for so long that adrenalin fatigue set in and it eventually shut down and stopped working on the days I couldn’t get out of bed. I still awaken depressed, most days I successfully shake it off and get on with my day but the next morning there it is and I have to go through it again. It’s like groundhog day. He is helping me work through it all.
I have had my free 3rd week authorised. My scholarship has been funded by a 30 year old man who frequents every once in a while. I am touched a stranger can be so generous. I am writing a thank you to express how much it has helped me. I am utterly grateful and blessed that I have been surrounded recently with so many people who have helped me in one way or another. What a lucky girl I am.
I had a personal let down yesterday that upset me terribly. I felt rejected. It triggered some old hurts from when I was first diagnosed and told a few friends. Most of them ran away! It was such a bad experience that I stopped telling people and held it inside. Most people with cancer say they received incredible support. It isn’t always that way. My penance for being a party girl I suppose. Anyway it felt like it was happening again and my thoughts became consumed with doubt. My FB page has also gone embarrassingly quiet since I announced it. Not a good sign. I don’t get many comments on my blog, apart from a small handful of closest friends. I realise that most people have busy lives but Peg said I need a strong support network, do I have one? Is anyone out there reading this? Am I boring? depressing I suppose. Shit. I wish my reality was different.
All these thoughts got me into a state and my resolve was tested and I failed. Miss Self-Destruct reared her head. An opportunity to go off campus came along and I went with it. While my partner in crime got stuck into some chicken, I had a glass of scummy red wine with a few sweet potato chips, then a yummy sweet cocktail with a chocolate desert. It was heaven. I got back to my room and decided that bulimia was probably best course so stuck my fingers down my throat and threw the gunge up. Hopefully will have got away with it and not fed my cancer and not put any weight on. Better not make it a regular habit! This is the first time that I have ever doubted myself. I still have a way to go with loving myself and accepting things as they are. If people around me aren’t supportive then it makes it doubly hard. Does this mean I will never fall off the wagon. No. But the most important thing if I do is to enjoy it and climb right on back on. I am human and fallible. The weird thing is that I feel cleansed and really happy today. Good old purge I suppose!
I feel I will need to start my counselling session with ‘Forgive me father for I have sinned’.
Love and Healing.
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