How are you?

Keeping my blog updated has been a scary challenge since I got back as my world has been predominantly black and negative. I have been stuck in turmoil. A dear friend, Anna, visited a few days ago and urged me to just tell it the way it is as the downs are as much a part of my journey as the ups and maybe others will relate to it. Or maybe not! Anna was part of a team of dear and loyal friends who arranged an appeal evening for me last week in the North East so I could get more treatment. I was absolutely humbled. So much effort had gone into it and the only thing I did was give them my mother’s phone number. They raised nearly £3,000. It was such a great evening with so much healing energy in the room. I felt blessed and that lifted me enough to give me back some oomph to continue with this fight.

When most people ask, ‘How are you?’, the normal response is ‘Fine’, ‘Great’, ‘Alright’, etc followed with the correct response of ‘And you, how are you?’ That’s what they want to hear and the majority really don’t want to know anything else. It is a polite euphemism. I am normally a really positive person. But what if you’re really not ok? It’s a gamble to tell the truth. The person to whom you’re speaking may walk away, never wishing to ask you again. ‘Stay away from negative people,’ I hear all the supposedly positive training facilitators say. Inhuman. Negativity is part of the human emotion and when bottled up it festers into a debilitating depression. When facing a painful life threatening disease, then it is normal to get a mega dose of it. Real friends will see through it and stick with you. No great things happen without that unconditional love.

So here I am again with my forlorn friend sitting on my shoulder, whispering dark thoughts into my ears. I can fight with it, tell it to ‘F*** off’, try to override it with positive affirmations, avoid it with busyness but unless something dramatically changes on the inside then it doesn’t work for long. I was so excited to get back home from the US, I suppose I expected things to be different.  I mean, I had gone through a massive change, but I got back to a lonely, empty existence and the depression slipped stealthily back in little by little and my energy waned. I most certainly don’t want to sound ungrateful for all the help I have had: I am charmed by the amount of people who have reached out to help in one way or another. But it is more evident than ever how deeply troubled my mind is after the recent events.

My good friend, Barbara, came to stay the first weekend I was back and was invaluable in helping me set up my kitchen. I have seen a few friends but I have to be careful: most, except a rare few, do not understand this dark emotion so I have to hide it. Anyway, it is easier in a social setting when it doesn’t feel as intense. If I tell the truth and say I am depressed, they ask ‘Why?’ in an exasperated tone, and list things that have been good recently. Things which, perhaps if I wasn’t depressed, would have been enough to give me a lift. What they don’t understand is that you can’t get on if you’re stuck in a rut. Everything feels overbearing. The fact is, I have been psychologically damaged. The result of all the trauma I have experienced over 5 years of hell is essentially post traumatic stress disorder. It is not going to go away quickly. Yes, I now have a home which most certainly helps, but fears dominate of losing everything again and it scares me deeply, more than the fear of the cancer taking over. A psychologist I was seeing a few years agi stopped the appointments once it became apparent I would be homeless again. Such an event is so destabilising, they know that nothing will get through to you.

Cancer – I am fed up of that word. Aaaaarrrrrgggggggggghhhhh! This has been a long drawn out battle. My trip taught me so much but implementing it all is proving difficult. I could have done it years ago when I was first diagnosed. I had the energy then but not the money. But now I have pain most of the time but I don’t voice that unless it is severe and it slows me down. I was at my mum’s and an old school friend’s mum called and asked how I was. ‘Alright,’ I replied. I was happy to chat with her and didn’t want to launch into a list of crap. Mum said, ‘ No you’re not, you struggle walking’. But she was calling for a 5 minute chat. I felt the truth would bring her down. There have been friends step away recently and, of course, that hurts and contributes to those fears. I understand it may be hard to handle. Bob (the priest at OHI) said the key to my emotional healing is to make myself more vulnerable! How can I make myself more vulnerable than I already have? I don’t know how to ask for more help without being humiliated further. My pride has kicked back in. I am terrified. I believe people would help if they wanted to. People are busy in their own lives. I got back to an attitude of ‘stiff upper lip darling, get on with it’. I expected things to be different, I suppose, after I had bared my soul, but I returned to absolute emptiness. It was like a book I read years ago called ‘Somewhere off the coast of Maine’. A young girl steals money to run away and have a nose job and thinks when she returns to school all her problems will be over and she will be more accepted, but of course they weren’t and she wasn’t.

The booze and fags have been gone for over 3 months now so it is difficult to find an outlet to suppress my emotions. I am learning to sit with them but it’s squirming stuff sometimes and a lot of anger has risen. I have been rather short tempered and grumpy and developed a dose of tourettes. I was becoming like Jack in Father Ted, walking round the flat swearing. Anger is one of the ugliest emotions and a new one for me. A transformation coach at Breast Cancer Haven said we store anger in our liver so it will be spreading my cancer there. She suggested I replace the swearwords with Om so I have been ‘Omming’ a lot. The hurts and fears run round and round in my head and weigh me down. It’s exhausting. I feel under pressure to be perfect. I am evidently still looking outside of myself for approval. I need to find some peace inside.

The detox diet has been difficult to manage on my own so I am not doing everything I should be as it takes so much energy to organise and prepare and it’s all so new to me. I need a wheatgrass conveyor belt going and to grow various sprouts. But I don’t have the set up for it. Shelves are going up today. I could get the wheatgrass delivered but it is pricey – unfortunately most things boil down to money. Fed up of worrying about money. I rebel into a mini sugar binge when I feel down which is an addiction that I am still struggling with (we all know how difficult it is to give up chocolate or the like). I sometimes spiral out of control into a paranoid, defeated, scaredy cat. My dreams are mostly about people running away and abandoning me – any sign of abandonment triggers my fears and I clam up. Most of it is unreal but it is so deep seated.

I had a sudden and extremely painful episode yesterday which has left me emotionally and physically drained and scared. It’s as wake up call. There is a time to live and a time to die and maybe this is just my time. Maybe I just need to accept and be still in that acceptance and be brave. It doesn’t mean I will give in to it , NEVER! But I need to be realistic that my energy is depleting again. I have been very tired recently. I am confused who I am now. My journal for the last 6 weeks has been painful reading back as it mostly the same fears repeated. My brain started working efficiently again when I was away from it all.

I have a black ball of slimy gunk in my tummy putting this out but I am trusting in the healers who say it is what I need to do. I realise I cannot do this detox here alone and simply do not have the support, money or energy and so I have applied to go back to OHI as a missionary which essentially means I will help other guests as they arrive, alongside healing myself. I will have everything I need there at my fingertips, not only with less distraction but without the worry about day to day survival. I need to heal in a supportive environment. As well as the detox they teach how to calm the mind and spirit so I will be assigned a mentor to help me work through all my fears. They have seen this thousands of times so understand it thoroughly. The application will take 4-6 weeks so I just need to try and make sure I stay well enough to get there. I have been trying to find a doctor who does naturally derived Vit C therapy but it seems they all use synthetic Vit C here, which Hippocrates claimed that long term experiments with rats showed it eventually caused cancer! I am still looking for an interim alternative boost.

The healing path is no straight road, often 2 steps forward and 1 step back. It’s tough but no-one said it was easy. I hope to return healed, happier and better able to cope with my environment. On my return I am adopting a dog, 2 cats and a fish so I will have happy sloppy faces to wake up to and brighten my day. 

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Saints and Sinners

On Testimonial day at OHI an ageing rock n roller from Las Vegas announced he just got the all clear from stage 4 cancer after a 17 week stint here on this strict calorie restricted diet. He lost 100lbs and looked in great shape. Impressive. I also met Peg, one of the facilitators here, who also cured her stage 4 cancer. She was very inspiring and encouraging. Both had been told they would die, both lay major claim in the wheatgrass. This is a place where miracles can happen. I am now on this quest to understand the circumstances that allows the body heal itself from illnesses that have been written off by the medical establishment.

There is nothing written in the OPI literature about healing cancer. That keeps them within the law. A law that states that one can only claim to cure cancer with surgery, chemotherapy and radiation. It is the same in the UK. OPI give no promises. But they are committed to helping you get well if you are willing to do your part. They show you the tools then the hard work is up to oneself. I have learnt to heal fully the main key is to get the mind, body and spirit back in harmony as if you are sick then it is definitely out of sync.

Ever wondered what that connection really means in it’s entirety? I am trying to unravel it. I will be the first to admit that I used to be rather shallow, my old life was mostly about having fun, working hard and making money. I have always believed in energy but my spiritual side wasn’t being nurtured. I think most of us go through our lives with them in harmony without even really knowing it. Then a life trauma comes along and rocks your world like death of a loved one, job loss, illness or such. My father’s death and family feuds over 11 years ago sent me out of balance. I have not managed to heal it. It is how we deal with these life traumas that sets the future. I am being helped by many people here to get to that place. Until these emotions are in check and my mind, body and spirit are back in harmony then the body cannot reach the high PH needed to kick into healing mode. Attachment to negative feelings make the body acidic. I still have some forgiving to do and have had to go right back through my life. This is no easy task. Once I am in a calm place then my healing will begin fully.

The East is well versed in this philosophy. Here in the West when ill they only treat the body and ignore the mind and body connection. If your mind is troubled they want to throw drugs at it which rarely sorts out the real issues and only puts a lid on things. We use busyness to dampen the feelings when what you really should be doing is going deep inside to resolve the real issues. Epigenetic’s is now showing that the cells will do what the mind tells them too. Remember the old saying ‘Be careful what you think because you just might get it’. Be warned. I believe less and less of us have this connection but we are now becoming more aware. I maybe wrong.

I am now in the 5th week of detoxing and it has been extremely severe. It has been hard to focus this week till now so I took it all in my stride and went with it. They use calorie restriction to bring the detox on fully and give the digestive system a rest so the body can use its energy for healing. Emotions that have been stored in body rise to the surface, which can be rather dramatic. It is all part of the process. To start the healing one has to try step outside of one self and take each event or person that comes up separately, feel the emotions fully, look at it without getting the mind too involved, say what you need to say then let it pass. Some of the difficult ones stick with you and bog you down. Crying is the best release. There is a weekly release ceremony where we burn the things that no longer serves us. It is a very powerful exercise.

I have been counselled by a Priest here. His parents founded this place. He used to be an international banker so has seen it all. He is an extremely kind man who throws no judgements on me or my faith. But you do need to believe in some kind of higher power to get the spiritual element to work. He is one of the kindest person I have ever met who doesn’t want anything back from me, not even money. Rare to find this unselfish giving. He said I am suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Most people with a cancer diagnosis suffer it to some degree or other but throw in the other problems I had of homelessness, bankruptcy, eviction and all the drama that went with it and you will have a toxic mix of emotions. The fight or flight response was in constant motion for so long that adrenalin fatigue set in and it eventually shut down and stopped working on the days I couldn’t get out of bed. I still awaken depressed, most days I successfully shake it off and get on with my day but the next morning there it is and I have to go through it again. It’s like groundhog day. He is helping me work through it all.

I have had my free 3rd week authorised. My scholarship has been funded by a 30 year old man who frequents every once in a while. I am touched a stranger can be so generous. I am writing a thank you to express how much it has helped me. I am utterly grateful and blessed that I have been surrounded recently with so many people who have helped me in one way or another. What a lucky girl I am.

I had a personal let down yesterday that upset me terribly. I felt rejected. It triggered some old hurts from when I was first diagnosed and told a few friends. Most of them ran away! It was such a bad experience that I stopped telling people and held it inside. Most people with cancer say they received incredible support. It isn’t always that way. My penance for being a party girl I suppose. Anyway it felt like it was happening again and my thoughts became consumed with doubt. My FB page has also gone embarrassingly quiet since I announced it. Not a good sign. I don’t get many comments on my blog, apart from a small handful of closest friends. I realise that most people have busy lives but Peg said I need a strong support network, do I have one? Is anyone out there reading this? Am I boring? depressing I suppose. Shit. I wish my reality was different.

All these thoughts got me into a state and my resolve was tested and I failed. Miss Self-Destruct reared her head. An opportunity to go off campus came along and I went with it. While my partner in crime got stuck into some chicken, I had a glass of scummy red wine with a few sweet potato chips, then a yummy sweet cocktail with a chocolate desert. It was heaven. I got back to my room and decided that bulimia was probably best course so stuck my fingers down my throat and threw the gunge up. Hopefully will have got away with it and not fed my cancer and not put any weight on. Better not make it a regular habit! This is the first time that I have ever doubted myself. I still have a way to go with loving myself and accepting things as they are. If people around me aren’t supportive then it makes it doubly hard. Does this mean I will never fall off the wagon. No. But the most important thing if I do is to enjoy it and climb right on back on. I am human and fallible. The weird thing is that I feel cleansed and really happy today. Good old purge I suppose!

I feel I will need to start my counselling session with ‘Forgive me father for I have sinned’.

Love and Healing.

Sonia

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Californian Sunsets

The Optimum Health Institute (OPI) is a far cry from Hippocrates (HHI). Anne Wigmore, who cured her ovarian cancer naturally, and founded HHI willingly passed on the info to OPI. They have added their own twist to it. It is quite astounding the discrepancies between the therapies and all have amazing success stories. It has all come from qualified professionals but with conflicting info.

Anne Wigmore introduced Rejuvelac from fermented grain that helps with the good bacteria in the gut which apparently is compromised in most illnesses. HHI have stopped using it but they continue here as they do in the Anne Wigmore Inst in Peurto Rico.

Hippocrates have banned tomatoes for healing cancer, here they use loads and it is allowed on Gerson Dietary Therapy. Gerson used loads of carrots, beets, apples and small amounts of other fruit, HHI and OPI have banned them all due to the high sugar content. Gerson use coffee enemas, here and HHI use 1 water enema and 2 wheatgrass implants. Here they recommend Reverse Osmosis water filtration and HHI recommend distilled as they say it is the only one that will take out pharmaceutical drugs.

The detox here is very strict. They plate the food up and it is minute, not even the size of a side salad, and 2 days per week is juice fasting. I am on day 2. At HHI they encourage you to have fresh garlic and herbs, here it is powdered and in such small containers that you can hardly get any out. I am absolutely bloody starving but I am grateful and happy to be experiencing both.

The first day was the usual welcoming and tour stuff which didn’t take long as the campus is quite small, it used to be a motel and they have added a few other buildings. The accommodation they first put me in was shit and shared with a overweight Russian who snored all bloody night. She wanted the noisy air con on and I didn’t. I upgraded to a better room with my own bathroom. I mean all the bum stuff you have to do should be private. I am much happier now.

It looks cheaper at first but everything is extra here. HHI are more sophisticated on the advancement of treatments and include a lot of therapies. The premises and buffet are like a holiday palace in comparison. Sauna’s were dotted all over HHI, they recommend them here to help take toxins away but don’t have one! In case you get low blood pressure from the detox is the explanation. They also recommend to rebound but don’t have any rebounder’s! Also advised is 3 colonics per week (which seems excessive, more research required) to help move toxins out the body, and 3 massages (nice) to help move toxins from the tissues and bring more relaxation and peace of mind. I can’t afford all that so have booked 1 per week on Wednesdays, the 2nd juice fast day to help alleviate symptoms of starvation. Money held me back from doing Gerson 4 years ago and is not going to get in the way again so need to do something about it that complements this healing path. Maybe I should write about these places and their differences.

All emphasise lymphatic exercise and here they have 2 classes per day, I can take one or both, it is a CD with a most annoying voice so don’t think I can bear too much more of that. There is a lovely stretch class in the afternoon that leaves you quite dreamy. They are teaching us Alpha meditation which was created by Jose Silver, which I ironically learnt in the 80’s but didn’t carry it on. It gets you into that alpha state before you sleep where you can apparently access your sub-conscious.

They have taught us all about importance of elimination (enemas and colonics) and detoxing the major organs, the new scary chemical I didn’t know about aside from parabens, flouride is sodium Lauryl Sulphate found in soaps to create lather. It is used in garage floor paint! And damages the immune system so watch out folks.

Gerson says it takes 5 weeks to renew the cells in the liver, HHI say 7 weeks and here they say 8 weeks. Anyway the one thing they all agree upon is that you have to get your body into a high alkaline PH, normal is 7.35 to 7.45, for healing to kick in it needs to be high at about 8.9. All agree that sugar feeds cancer which the hospitals still deny. Lemon is the most alkaline thing you can do so give a good start to your day with lemon water. HHI had jugs of it for breakfast, here they recommend it but don’t give it which I find most odd. Trying to work out if they are just tight but their hearts are in the right place.

The speakers are very credible, they know their subject and engage you fully. There are many stories of people healing grave illnesses. We had a talk from Peg the other night who came here 13 years ago with a terminal diagnosis of 6-9 months to live. She is thriving. She healed her cancer after 4 months here! but remains on a maintenance diet. I will get an appointment with her next week for some advice. Just met a guy from Clapham who has stage 4 kidney cancer, he has been here for 3 months as a missionary and his bloods have improved dramatically and the tumours have shrunk. He is staying for another 3 months.

Last night’s talk was about emotional detoxification. They say emotional detox comes from the physical detox too. I like that there is a huge emphasis on the spiritual and emotional path which was predominantly missing at HHI. This place is attached to a faith but it is not evident and there is thankfully no bible bashing as they accept people of all faiths. I am still worrying about things unfortunately which makes the body acidic so will be good to create a shift in perspective. The Californian sunsets alone bring you one step closer to enlightenment.

Love and Healing.

Sonia

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A Hippocrates summary.

Hippocrates health institute claim to have helped tens of thousands of people heal their cancer, including many at stage 4, like me. You would be forgiven for thinking most of the guests there are in tip top health. I did. But I learnt during my 3 week life transformation stay that the majority who come here have a health challenge story and the ones that stick with it also have a impressive recovery story. They have adopted a living enzyme diet to help them get well and a side effect is to look amazingly well. Here they teach you everything you need to know about focusing on your own survival by incorporating healthy eating, getting more oxygen with exercise and better air, purer water, sunshine and good rest.

The public flooded to an open day last Thursday to hear Dr Brian Clement talk. A good few of the guests and training health educators stood up and told their incredible stories: One lady who cured ovarian cancer 20 years ago, another chap cured leukaemia 6 years ago and a lady told of her father who was sent home to die of skin cancer and lived for another 20 years. It was impressive. There are also many testimonials on their website of roads to recovery.

However, the diet alone is not enough. A friend of mine was a raw foodie for 10 years and got ovarian cancer. She had an op to remove only the diseased parts. She realised she didn’t love herself and did a lot of emotional work and remains cancer free for the last 3 years. The doctors said it wouldn’t work so are dumb founded. This is a whole mind, body and spirit programme so there are many varied lectures by different professionals included in the programme. At least half, if not more, of the battle is in the head.

I had a few sessions with Andy and Antony, the camp’s healing physiologists. It is totally clear why I got cancer. The lecture on stress had 5 components, if it is constant and unrelenting for a period of time then it takes the body to the point of lowering it’s defences then disease can take over. I ticked every box more than once on both times my cancer had reared it’s ugly head. The sessions and healing circle have helped me come to terms with a lot of crap and do some needed forgiving. I realise I internalised my anger because I find aggression so ugly. But that turned it into a disabling depression. I am still a bit all over the place as emotions come up that are hard to deal with but will get there.

To heal my body I have to starve the mutant cells by cutting all the processed stuff; the sugar, carbs, meat, diary and alarmingly, even fruit because of the natural sugars. It was controversial as whether certain ones with low GI would be ok. Dr Ghen, the IV nutritional expert, said it was ok to eat berries and apple peel (not the apple). The Head nurse said ‘Yes but we found that people moved onto other high sugar fruit when we told them that, so it was best to tell them no to all fruit.’ I responded angrily “We are not 5 years old and can differentiate ourselves what is high sugar and not.’ It lost them some credibility in my eyes and requires more research.

There is a big emphasis on elimination that includes the dreaded colonics, daily enemas and wheatgrass implants; in fact you learn you can put wheatgrass anywhere to gain a benefit, in any orifice! To boost the immune system I am feeding my body the planets most nutritious food; lots of wheatgrass, sea vegetables, sprouts, green juices, nuts, seeds and vegetables. I understand most of us are so addicted to food. I am. It’s not easy. One of the girls saw a McDonalds bag stuffed into the gym bin! The tormenting cravings visit often. The gardener taught us how to grow the grass and sprouts and the chef gave encouraging kitchen techniques and raw food recipes to help with essential variety.

Exercise is a big part of any healing programme so there was various classes of Qigong, Tai Chi, yoga, mediation, pilates, dance classes, kick-boxing, walks, runs. I tried all the gentle exercises as my hip is still hurting at different grades on different days. I may have overdone a few exercises so have still been hobbling with my crutch some days. On one of those evenings a band played so everyone got up to shake their stuff. I couldn’t so I shook my arms. I was the cripple in the room. I was pissed off but I have to be patient with the bones as they take a long time to heal. I am unsure of the extent of the damage the cancer has caused in those bones as the hospital have written me off as dying so have not done any further exploratory tests. I have stopped going there as it feels so negative and defeatist. I am not dying. I am healing.

The pools were the best and most relaxing part of the programme. I included a daily swim, then over to the hot mineral pool or hot jacuzzi for 15 mins followed by the cold plunge pool for 15 seconds, for a minimum of 7 times daily. The first cold plunge is hell but then the tingles get better each time. Loved it. Infra red saunas are dotted all over the grounds and 20 mins daily is the recommended minimum. It heats the body from inside out. Cancer cells do not like heat. I also fit in a 20 mins steam to help my lungs recover from my smoking abuse. I stopped when I got on that plane 3 weeks ago. It was an easy transition as I had made my mind up. It is the thinking that causes the torture of quitting.

Some staff are evidently not raw foodies as they are typically American overweight. Who would if they didn’t have to? but a good few do. It certainly wouldn’t be my choice, if I had one. I know many say that they would do it if it happened to them, but they can’t say that until they are in that position and have tried it. I am struggling with it, grieving even, to think this is it for the next year or 2 but will do it.

The institute is apparently non profit making! They do have a beautiful 50 acre tropical site to maintain and are constantly keeping up with research on new cutting edge treatments. Basic blood draws are included but more exploratory ones are too tempting to ignore. They have introduced many other therapies and integrative doctors who prescribe various extra tools of IV and oxygen therapies to help speed up the detoxification time and enhance the effects to increase the chances of success. I couldn’t afford most of them which was stressful in itself. They say the diet stands alone. I was awarded a scholarship due to financial hardship and I am truly grateful my friends all contributed to my appeal which got me there. I am a lucky chic to have realised this dream: I had to pinch myself many times. But these extra’s made me feel that if I don’t do what they advise then it may fail. It is a down side. This is really a medical spa for the rich if you did everything on offer. Some check in for long stints.

From the generosity of friends I did manage to have 3 IV therapies of high dose vitamin C mixed with immune boosting nutrients that kill cancer cells and boost the immune system and 2 silver infusions that kill virus’s and bacteria. It felt like a chemo room. It is expensive (along with the cocktail of recommended naturally derived supplements) so I could not complete the recommended 12 infusions but it will have given it a blast. I will find somewhere back in the UK to carry them on somehow. A round of chemotherapy and radiation would cost more than this trip but these are not recognised as bona fide cancer treatments by mainstream medicine so not covered by NHS. There is not enough money to be made in it so no companies will fund studies.

I left Hippocrates yesterday knowing more than ever that healing this god damn scary cancer is possible. Their mission is ‘Helping people help themselves’. They have taught me so much. Feelings have been tossed around and beliefs challenged. My broken spirit is on the mend. I met some very strong like minded amazing people who helped me get through it. There was a central sense of camaraderie, being in it together. Some will become friends for life. I cried as I departed as felt homesick and missed my friends.

But the rebel that I am means the research carries on. I arrived in San Diego last night to move on today to Optimum Health Inst for another 3 week detox who I believe have a more intense personal growth programme. The Yankies are playing here so all the hotels were full so I had to sleep in the airport! Not a great start but I am now at the Sheraton having pool time which feels like a bit of free time. I feel happy with life. It is all up to me. Can I do it. Hell yeah. Will it be easy. Hell no.

Love and Healing.

Sonia

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Healing – The Natural Way

Healing cancer naturally is frequently and openly talked about here. Many of the staff and guests have cured themselves years ago, or have adopted elements of the diet for prevention due to a loved one who has cured it through changing their habits. Lots of them return for a top up. There are many stories. The head nurse cured stage 4 prostate cancer 14 years ago; another man metastasised liver cancer 6 years ago and some others return having sadly failed to do what they needed to do. I sat at lunch yesterday with a lady who arrived this week whose father had been told by the hospital that he had 3 months to live in 1988. He changed his lifestyle and cured his cancer and managed to live to 91½ years old. He died 4 years ago, not of cancer, but of old age! I love that story. Let’s get this detox party started!

Today, I feel so much more confident about getting through this. Last night, I was telling the chef that I was dreaming of crispy duck and red wine. I was. He said that was normal as it all comes out and I get cleaner. Loads of people, including friends who have given up booze, keep saying wait for the clarity. I am ready.

Last week was a crazy week of settling in, jet lag, busyness, learning what to do, internet problems (as no connection in the cottage), lectures, meeting who is who, and where everything is on the 50 acre estate. Thrown in was a bit of fogginess, bewilderment, letting go, exhaustion and an ear infection! You get the picture. Now things are slightly less manic, I intend to keep up my blog more. Not sure if anyone is reading them, or if they are then not many have commented, but I feel compelled to log it so it will hopefully help many others in time.

I am trying to keep to the recommended programme along with getting plenty of rest, no matter how I am feeling. To give an idea of a typical day: yesterday I was up at 6.30; Qigong at 7; meditation at 8; wheatgrass at 9 (with enema); 9.30 healing circle (with green juice delivered at 10); raw food lunch; Vit C IV therapy at 2 (I am using the San Diego money for that so I may sadly have to leave that trip out but will see what happens); raw food recipe lessons; more green juice; yoga at 5.30; dinner, 7.15; lymphatic workshop (get dry skin brushing everyone, keeps the toxins moving towards the lymph nodes and keeps them unblocked so they can filter out all the rubbish); then a swim in the hot mineral pool followed by cold plunge pool – 7 times to stimulate immune system; infrared sauna (which penetrates deep into the cells and cancer cells don’t survive heat); and finally, more wheatgrass and enema! I mean, fuffing hell, it will be full on to keep up these kinds of schedules at home when I have to make it all myself. But I will get a routine worked out. It is doable, as others have proven.

I can’t do the whole range of movements in the exercise classes yet because of my hip, even though they are gentle classes, but I do my best and stretch. It will get better in time but I have to be patient. Healing the bones takes the longest. I haven’t had to use the crutch too much and they have buggies to run us around, if needed. I am lucky to have a lovely housemate, Kim, who also has stage 4 cancer. It has spread to her spine so hinders her movements greatly. The laser treatments have increased her pain and left her in bed, unable to move. It is heart breaking to watch her in so much pain but she is a strong lady, so I am rooting for her. I decided against those treatments, as I had a similar experience in London and especially, after watching her decline.

Dr Ghen’s blood results showed my IGF1 growth hormone is way too high and feeding the cancer, my testosterone is very low, I am borderline diabetic as well as being on the border of medium to high risk of cardiovascular disease. He has prescribed many nutrients and IV therapies to correct this. I need to retest in 6 months time. Dr Ghen has an impeccable track record here (doctors all over the States send their clients to him) so I am putting my trust in him. I trust these doctors as they walk people to health rather than pain and death. Unfortunately, I still need help to achieve this.

My very dear friend Anna, who I have known since I was 18 and has seen me through all kinds of phases, is joining the team to have a turn at helping my appeal. It is not to barrage people with requests for money, but simply asking and telling the story. People will donate if they feel it is right for them at that time. Many have generously donated already, for which I am truly grateful, but I am fighting for my life here so I have got over being shy about asking. The result of that was to be lucky enough to make it here doing what feels right in my heart. The whole experience has restored my faith in humanity, which had been seriously jaded. I am off now to see an emotional healer. It’s all looking rosy.

P.S. Being English, I simply must talk about the weather. It’s cloudy today with bit of humidity. It has been changing between sunny and stormy all week and when the humidity runs high, the skies dump torrential rain, then the suns pops back out. I love the musty, tropical smell of the vegetation afterwards.

Love and Healing.

Sonia

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